9/10/2013 You Gotta Get it Wrong to Get it Right!There's a funny thing about not being perfect and that is the fact that you have to work through all the mess. What mess? The mess we make in attempting something new. The "mess" we make in being ourselves. The mess we make in doing. Maybe that’s why a lot of us don’t do – because it is messy and we don’t want anyone to get the perception that we’re not perfect. Where did we get this perception that we are or “should be” perfect? Maybe it comes from the concept of growing up. . . . You see when you grow up – you’re supposed to have it all together by then. All your problems are supposed to be solved. You’re no longer afraid. You’re confident. You can do what you want to do. You have more fun and you essentially always have the life you wanted when you were a child – you’re supposed to have it by then correct?
No. How come I didn’t know this? How come I didn’t know that the fear I experienced as a child would still be there as an adult? How come I didn’t understand that things wouldn’t “just happen” for and to me but that I was going to have to MAKE them happen? How come nobody told me that my relationship with God was supposed to cancel out my fear by trusting and developing a relationship with him?? I thought I was supposed to have it together by the time I grew up. Who was supposed to help me with my fears if my parents were not around? Who was I supposed to turn to when things fell apart? Who could I trust if no one knew the future? How would I know if I was making the right decisions? Who could make things right when everything was wrong? Who could comfort me when I was crying, scared and didn’t know what to do? Who could heal this “inner pain”?? And so because I "knew about" God – but didn’t "know" God I trusted the person that I knew best: first my parents and when that ran out – myself and so I became “perfect.” I didn’t do anything for fear of making a mess and not being able to clean it up. And the things I did do were as “perfect” as could be – or I became very self-conscious about them because they weren't “just right”. And if I took any risk, it was analyzed and over-thought from every angle to minimize as much of the danger as possible. After all, who would pick up the pieces that would be made of me if I broke and I didn’t look out for number one? Who? Me. But the thing was that I didn’t know how to clean up such a mess. Yeah, I knew about God – but I didn’t know God. And so I protected myself as best I could and looked out for me the best way that I knew how. How was that? By not doing a darn thing. I turned down almost every invitation I received – because if I didn’t have a wing man – I wasn’t going to fly alone. I chose the relationships that I did get into (romantic or otherwise) very carefully and found every reason to jump out of them for some reason or another because “they just weren’t the right person”; and avoided most things that I didn’t have skill in for fear of looking foolish yet at the expense of having a very fun and fulfilled life. Living this way – almost killed me until I met God. That may sound strange considering I met him when I was 11 years old but what you don’t understand is that I was still living under my parents roof. They were my protectors, my guides, counselors and trusts. They were the ones that I went to when things were going wrong. They were the ones that I went to when I didn’t understand something. They were the ones that “fixed” things for me – and so I learned to trust their wisdom and advice as the road map for my life knowing that if I followed “their way” then everything would be okay with my life. After all, grown-ups had it all figured out didn’t they?? Yet I didn’t realize that what I had done was give them the place of God because even though I knew about him. . . I really didn’t know him. And so I took their advice - even when sometimes it didn’t feel right to do so. I took their advice - even when sometimes it was the complete opposite of what I wanted to do – even though many times I suffered silently – because above most things that I wanted in this life - I most wanted to get it right. Yet in trying to make all the right decisions and “be right” – I got it so very, very wrong. But that was okay! It was okay because it was a path that I needed to take. I needed to find out that humans didn’t have all the answers. I needed to find out that there was “someone else” that I needed to look to and that I needed to trust. I needed to find out that by denying my own heart, true desires and ultimately, denying myself – I was killing myself. After all there was a spirit inside of me wrestling with me to trying to get to me to HELP me and I was restraining him over and over again telling myself that what my heart wanted was wrong and dying a little bit every day because of fear. Because if I let this control panel go and followed what it was that I truly desired who would keep me if it all went wrong?? Who could I look to for support especially when others did not agree with your decision? Who would stand up for me in my defense if I was not right?? God. He showed me that he was my advocate when the world and sometimes even family and friends did not support you and could not stand with you because they did not always understand you. He gave me an internal power. He led me to his world and told me to acknowledge him in all my ways and that he would direct my paths. And he calmed my anxiety, he calmed my fear, he calmed the raging sea within me with his peace through his word. And for the first time I believed him – I began to let go of my worries and began to trust him with my life. I began to trust him with. . . .ME - when it was I that had been my protector all along. Oh the burdens that fell off!! It was one of the few times I had experienced the word of God like that – but it was only the beginning – he began to show me through many scriptures of what he could do. What he had done before for so many others and what he was willing to do for me. He was no respect of person and he showed me that he was not willing that fear should rule my life. He had me and he still does. And so he gave me a license to live through the promises of his word. All I had to do with take them, believe them and call them to remembrance when undertaking something new or when I thought that things were going wrong, or when I needed peace or when I needed happiness often and all the time. And with each scripture that was read or brought to mind the peace of HIM would wash in waves over my entire being and calm me for they reminded me that he was with me. He would never leave me or forsake me. His word became REAL to me! I got to know him and he was a better protector to me than any friend or myself could have ever been Maybe that’s why babies are happier because they come into this world not knowing a lot and just completely trusting the people in whose care that they are in. They are not afraid to do something because they don’t know what can harm them and somehow they know no matter what it is that they attempt to do whether or not it can lead to an ultimately death, that still, everything will be okay. And yet we as adults have that same assurance in the word of God. Here are some of the scriptures that remind of that truth: “The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth forever: forsake not the works of thine own hands" – Psalm 138: 8 “ Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you shall perform it until the day of Jesus Christ" - Philippians 1:6 “ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." – Romans 8:28 Yet we deny ourselves these truths because we do not call them to our remembrance; we do not meditate on these verses and in doing so we inhibit the presence of the Lord in our lives and so we live in fear when God has through his word given us the power to live and to enjoy life! We have heard from others that all things are possible and that we can be whatever we want to be and others have encouraged us to follow our dreams and we WANT to but we don’t - for fear of the limits and thinking that we can only go as far as WE can see and we believe that we are limited by what WE can do and who WE are. Often when we do get the courage to attempt things, we find that they’re not as bad as we thought they were going to be. And when we’re successful in things that we otherwise thought we might not be, the feeling is indescribable. The action of the process is exhilarating and life-giving and confidence is built. Please understand that the habit of perfection has been deep-rooted in me and I still at times struggle with it. . . . Even at this very moment I’m yet still trying to be perfect in not wanting to release this article or even this blog until it’s “just right” . But what, may I ask, is "just right"?? When will I ever be there? As far as I see it, there will always be that something that I should have added or that I forgot to put in or something just out of reach. But I was never supposed to reach it. At least by myself I cannot. I need him, God, this power that I rely on to perfect that which concerns me. (Psalm 138: 8) I need him to make my crooked efforts and my crooked paths, straight (Isaiah 42:16). Because no matter, try as we might – we cannot control everything. In our weakness then are we made strong (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10). In our trying or in our doing then will we receive the help that we always wanted. God sees our efforts and is not unjust to forget your work (Hebrews 6:10) and is pleased that we’re trying because we believe we have help and he will remember his word unto his servants upon which he has caused them to hope (Psalm 119:49). After all isn’t that faith?? As Martin Luther King Jr, said: Taking the step when you don’t see the whole staircase and trying and attempting because you think it’s possible even though you don’t know how it’s all going to work out. If letting go was easy, more people would do it, however, what letting go says is that you believe. It’s kind of counterintuitive, but I’ve learned that in NOT being perfect IS the key to perfection. In not being perfect is the key to happiness. Learn to let go and just enjoy this ride called life and in doing so, and embracing uncertainty and staying on this rollercoaster with all its ups and downs not knowing what’s coming around the corner – I will do as Ruth Graham has said and not fear tomorrow because God is already there.. . . It’s funny right? In trying to be so perfect and sooo right I got it wrong. And yet, when I let go and maybe thought I’d get it wrong but closing my eyes letting the pieces fall where they may – God caught them, placed them where they needed to be and I got it oh so very, very right. Happy Living, Christina P.S. Next time you are thinking about being perfect. . . .remember this quote: "Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator or unhealthy or lazy or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die." -- Shoma Morita, MD and this scripture. . . ". . . Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God,even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD." - 1 Chronicles 28:20 (KJV) Comments are closed.
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