3/22/2017 2 Comments When I Said Yes. . . - Part 2Didn't Read Part One? Click HERE I was engaged because I had had no reason to say no and. . .well. . . because I liked him . . .enough -- and we engaged well over the phone; our first in-person date was the next matter and definitely anticipated. I never questioned the engagement and my decision to say yes. I was sure things would fall in line physically just as they had over the phone and maybe they would have if we had given them time or if we had been made to. – but that’s the advantage of free love and unfortunately neither was the case.
Cold air brushed into my car when he opened the door and got in upon his arrival to the Amtrack station in Dearborn, MI on that grey Saturday in February. It was surreal seeing him in person for the first time since all that had occurred between us. Something that both of us had envisioned so often over the past few months was now happening. I should have felt excited when I saw him but instead I felt oddly obligated and not as sure as I might have first originally thought. As the day progressed, I should have felt at home. From hotel to home to restaurant and now back to his hotel, the day was more an observation rather than an involvement. A “let’s see how this goes” type of encounter. His touch, his hands, felt mislaid, his kisses, misplaced, and I stood removed, detached somehow from it all as though this experience belonged to someone else that, somehow, I just knew. Despite these impressions, it triggered nothing (immediate anyway). He acted the way he sounded a little uptight and not at ease with himself. He was out of my “norm”. He had no easy confidence and to marry him would be to deny what I was looking for. But he was here, he was interested, he was spending time with me and I was determined to make the best of it and to focus on the good – even if my heart was beginning to know otherwise. I liked confidence and while it was present, he exuded a different kind: an intellectual or theoretical type. He liked me, loved me (he said) but what piqued my curiosity was why the feelings weren’t mutual. Wasn’t this all I, all WE had been waiting for? He liked to think and apparently, I made him do so, it was our relationship’s strength – our debating – but this date wasn’t made of engaging conversation instead a misfit camraderie and I was there because I said I would be and instead of enjoying and losing myself in the date and wishing the day would never end; I all the time stood apart, consciously or unconsciously, from it somehow not loving him and every entry or move he made failed to penetrate. To marry confidence, to marry strength was my dream and in my opinion he was lukewarm at best, and maybe I knew it all along yet it may never have been brought home if he had not come. . . . He left early the following morning and I felt somewhat odd about the entire experience. Mixed feelings expressed themselves in sentences. Glad he had come. Glad we had done this. Glad that we had made it “real”. Happy to do it again. . .maybe? Wistful about his departure.. . ? and. . . yet still. . .somehow glad to see him depart as well. Maybe we could have bought some time on the inevitable happening if only he had given me some time. But he didn’t. A place to sort out everything that had just transpired. He just kept calling, and calling and calling as though he could sense my inner thoughts and somehow knew it wasn’t a sure thing. Over the course of the day of his departure, he called me a total 11 times, each time to talk about nothing of any significance or how he loved me. This action, unnerved me greatly and by the end of that night I knew I would have to ease out of the grasps of this relationship.
2 Comments
Nicole Hart
3/22/2017 05:52:45 pm
I'm looking forward to part 3!❤
Reply
CONNIE G
3/28/2017 08:29:07 am
ZC HAS A NEW AUTHOR IN THE HOUSE GO CHRISTINA 👌🏽
Reply
Leave a Reply. |