9/19/2016 5 Comments Life is a Circle. . .Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. - Rumi (Poet) I don’t know who saw who first – but once our eyes met, there was no mistaking who the other was. It had been 8 years. It was 2013 but it had been 2005 since our last interaction and that last interaction – for me at least—had not been pleasant. I was struck by how strangely familiar his profile seemed after all these years; it was as though I had just seen him on yesterday. Eight years; but all the memories and times from that one year in college came crashing back with severity and it took everything in me to retrieve my bags from the conveyor belt with relative ease. I was traveling to Denver, CO from Detroit Metro Airport. Apparently, he was now a TSA agent. I aimed to act calm, normal and to behave as though running into one of the biggest crushes of my college career was just an ordinary event. Inside, however, my heart was racing. Caught in a time travel free fall, I tried to grasp how I felt. I couldn’t tell. Was I happy to see him? Was I still attracted to him? Was I self-conscious? Was this another chance at fate? Hands trembling, I collected myself and my thoughts as much as I could, gathered my belongings and forced a smile to hide the nervousness as he sat at the edge of one of the security screening aisles and gathered within myself the wherewithal to speak. Somebody had to right? It was either he or I and I decided that it was to be me. It was no use acting like I didn’t recognize him when he and I both kept darting glances at each other. I opened my mouth. It was now or never. I was 32, no longer 24. “You can handle this”, I told myself. “Quinn?” I said. He didn’t have to look up. His eyes were already on me. He nodded and smiled. He seemed to be glad and possibly even a little relieved that I had recognized him, remembered his name and had the courtesy to acknowledge him. “Christina, right?” He quickly replied. I smiled briefly and said “Yeah.” We both laughed nervously - both trying to decide, what to do with this moment, that neither of us ever thought that we would have. A moment that was not private; a renewed interaction with an audience – my family was with me. They stood aside and waited for me to head to our gate as he and I chatted amicably (with hundreds of things not being said) and tried to catch up on 8 years in moments. He had been working at the airport for some time now; and I now had a position at a local television station which at the time he had known me I had only been an intern. I don’t think he was surprised to find that I worked there. He was still handsome, if a little older; just as pleasant and seemed a little tired. Maybe it was life. Whereas, I on the other hand was elated just to be in his presence again. Maybe it was another chance. *****8 YEARS EARLIER**** Tears streamed down my face because I wouldn’t let myself answer. God knows I wanted to. He was calling again. I shifted on my bed, turned my phone face down painfully enduring the 18 seconds of music that was my ringtone.
He would eventually go away if my actions remained the same; that was for sure. Who would keep knocking without a response? But I was conflicted, the pain of which, to me, was unbearable because his absence wasn’t what I wanted. It was not in my nature to disappear and go silent on a person after a close relationship, but to be compassionate towards myself, it was my first experience going against what felt natural for me to do, and in the interest of making a good decision I persisted. Despite the fact that it wasn’t my habit to go stealth, I believed at the time it was my best option to cut all ties before things got to “serious” between us (although it could be argued that for me they were already considering my tears) because even though he was what I wanted, I also wanted (even at that time) the best of what God had for me. I couldn’t be sure but, it seemed to me that he wasn’t the best and avoiding him seemed to be the easiest way to proceed with that notion. For months I had been successful, making it through my last semester of college without seeing him – but if the truth be told, I was running – from him, from myself. Afraid to see him, afraid to talk to him, afraid of my intentions and how they would be fulfilled, only hoping that that fateful day would never occur where I would run into him; and if I did, what I would say. So I ran; and kept right on running until one day my worst fears were realized and I ran right into him. It was quite by accident as well as quite unavoidable. See what happens next Here!
5 Comments
Vivian Hoze
9/19/2016 05:03:35 pm
You got my attention...can't wait until tomorrow.
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Christina
9/20/2016 03:57:33 pm
Thank you Vivian! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Part Two is posted now!
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Jessica
9/20/2016 08:28:29 am
You always have me sitting on the edge of my seat like the end of a season finale at least I don't have to wait 3 months!!
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Patrice
9/20/2016 04:28:03 pm
Wow!!!
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CONNIE G
3/28/2017 08:21:23 am
GREAT JOB CHRISTINA
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