5/12/2013 0 Comments Happy Mother's Day!This year our Pastor decided to celebrate Mother’s Day a little differently than usual. As we do every Mother’s Day at our church, we usually hear from different members of our audience on an impromptu basis, however, this year, the Pastor approached different members and asked them to speak on the following topics: Being a mother is not easy. I don’t have to be one to know that – and most mothers would agree that “not easy” is an understatement given everything that they do, have done and sacrifice in order to satisfy or meet the needs of their children; and I suppose that the least that they can ask back from their children is for their patience with them as they try to get this thing right and for their forgiveness in the things that they have not gotten right. But we as children sometimes cannot be very forgiving, and that has sometimes been the case with me. The pastor of our church, this past mother’s day approached certain members of our congregation asking them to speak about their mothers on the following topics. · Love her verbally · Love her physically · Love her patiently · Love her attentively · Love her gratefully · Love her generously · Love her honorably · Love her prayerfully Now this is nothing new considering that we often hear from members of our church on Mother’s Day expressing their accolades and love for the ones that gave birth to them and so much more over the years, but speaking about the ways that children should love and honor their mother in specific areas was something different for 2013. It made children truly consider if we love our mothers in these ways and if not, why not? One by one as selected members rose to speak of their love for their mother by taking various actions; it was not until we broached the subject of patience however, that I was struck to the core. I don’t always have the reputation of being the most patient individual (that may surprise some of you) especially when it comes to my family. And I suppose it’s been because of the mentality that they would “always be around”, “they HAVE to accept me as I am”, “it’s just family. . .so I guess I can be who I really am and not have fear of losing a relationship because of that” so because of these opinions I have sometimes been short with what I think are the very people that love me the most, because they’ve seen the best and the worst of me and I am still accepted. (at least I think I am Lol!) But the reason that this topic grasped my attention was because of the very fact that I have been impatient with the people that love me the most and I have been guilty of not loving my mother patiently. You hear me talk a lot about perfection, and this post is no different – or maybe it’s a little different in that because I thought I had to be perfect I often expected perfection from others . I’ve heard before that “You do not know the type of parents that you have until you are older”. I have oftentimes found that statement to be true, in that it surprised me when I grew up to find that in some opinions and/or topics my mother and I have often disagreed and I have been found guilty of the very advice that I preach most often and that is to have the courage to let others be themselves. Time and again I would not let my mother have her opinion or would “punish” her for the way that she felt because it did not agree with my own. I felt that in order for me to “be myself” she needed to change her opinion to agree with mine or at least be silent about it. And so I punished her with my attitude, with my uncooperativeness and with my silence of what was going on with me saying that “She didn’t agree” so why should she know? “I already know what she’s going to say” so why tell her?? and the classic one that “I just didn’t want to have that conversation” So I wouldn’t. Mercifully, because of my “attitudes” the relationship between my mother and I did not suffer considerably, and I think that is because both of us refuse to facilitate a relationship of hostility and also to what I credit to a “mother’s love” (which I have yet to experience) however, despite the tension it often caused it did teach (and is teaching) us both a lot about ourselves. What is it teaching me about me? Perfection. Plain and simple. (Read my article about perfection here) and you will see that it is often something that I have struggled with and because I would not accept the imperfections in myself I would not accept the imperfections in anyone else and it made me highly critical of others; however, it is not until most recently that I have realized this about myself. But I thank God for the realization of this fact. Because it has freed me from a form of forgiveness of perceived wrongs done against myself by parents that have done the best they could with the knowledge that they had at the time. Sure, hindsight is 20/20 and I’m sure most parents, or mostly anyone for that matter, would do some things differently if they had the chance, but we will never have that chance so we must cut our losses and keep it movin’ Don’t get me wrong. I (as most children I’m sure think) have some of the best parents that a child could have and my parents have done quite well in raising their 3 children. But they are human. I think I forget this – because they’re older than me and have taught me quite a bit of what I know so it surprises me when they don’t know something or if they get something wrong! And I want to scream “How could you not know this???” or “How could you have told me to do this when I probably should have done that???”
My mother has often asked me “well could you understand the decision that I have made from a mother’s perspective and I would reply “How could I? I’m not a mother.” Even though what I have said has some truth to it; maybe I should try to understand? Yes, I think I should. But I also want my mother to understand how it feels to be 33 and single when by the time she was my age she had been married for 10 years and had 3 kids. Neither of us have been in each other’s shoes yet both of us should try to imagine ourselves as though we were and if we cannot, then to at least try and accept each other’s decisions. My mother is not perfect. She is human. She makes mistakes and so do I if anything I should try to relate to her from that perspective. I can love her patiently as this is new ground for both us that we are learning to navigate. Me - an independent woman and her - trying to let go and trust that the same God that helped her to make her decisions will help me to make mine as well. Despite what I think, she is my mother and I must respect her for the 9 months that she carried me, gave birth to me, dealt with me when I was crying, could not do for myself, needed her to come pick me up from school because I was “sick” and sacrificed much of her OWN time for me. And it is for this that I love her and it was during times like that that she was patient with me even though I did not realize it. But unfortunately, for most of us, it is often when what we had is gone that we cherish it and wish it here again and I don’t want to be the child that because of pride hangs on to my perspective and comes to REALIZE (many times after it’s too late) the value that my mother has had, does have and will have in my life but to value the relationship that I have with her right now. How do I do that?? By being patient with her and who she is today, right now and realizing that she is who she is and having the courage to follow my own heart despite some of her admonitions that come from a place of love and protection even though I am not 3 years old anymore and try to understand that she is just being a mother. Maybe one day that all will change and maybe it never will; but be that what it will, fact is that I love her, and God has kept her in my life for a reason so I must count myself blessed when many people have lost their mothers and are estranged from them because this was his will for MY life that she be here and in mine. And so to all those children who get frustrated, don’t understand or even HATE your mother – please try to remember or realize that she is human, she doesn’t know everything (never will) and she is not perfect. I’m sure you hear this all the time, but you don’t realize the value of what you have until it is gone – try to realize the value of it now. The only way that you can forgive others is by forgiving yourself. (Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone). Thank you Pastor for reminding me to love my mother patiently.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |