6/14/2016 10 Comments Happy Because It's Thursday!The smooth sounds of an R&B song filled my white Toyota Highlander as I made my way home late one evening recently. As I cruised the Lodge Freeway and listened to the music and the beat I was reminded of the days that I luxuriated in the pleasure of these sensual sounds mingled with the pleasing tunes. I was also reminded of my old patterns of thinking. The days where I thought that if I indulged in imaginings of relationships, affection and fun, I would soon reach this oasis of euphoria and happiness and true unadulterated happiness would soon be imminent.
The fact of it is, I have had several opportunities to yet unlatch the gate to that world of pleasure and just but walk in, but each time I chose to remain outside and live in my imagination convincing myself that this was not yet the right opportunity and maybe I was right, but I also convinced myself of another thing – that without that world, I could not, or at the very least, would not be happy. I thought that by pseudo-experiencing these ecstasies that these songs described I would hereby be transported into them yet nothing could have been further than the truth. And when I found myself waiting for marriage longer than I had anticipated I also found my patience wearing thin and my fantasies less than appealing. What was I to do? Resolute – I was convinced that my happiness lie in imaginings. After all wasn’t that hope? *Shrug* Hope misplaced I assume as I was shortly to find out after a traumatic break-up left me with a broken heart and shattered dreams which even the pieces of were no longer able to sustain me. Happiness – deferred or not – was to be found elsewhere and quickly, if at all. God and I had come to a draw. I had dug my heels in deep; resolving within myself that living in the future was the road to contentment, not knowing thereby I had ultimately made myself the unhappiest I ever had been. I was confused. How could living in what I intended not be the portico to joy? I wanted God to give me what I coveted. Couldn’t he see how unhappy I was? I begged, I pleaded, I kicked, I screamed, I vowed, I prayed, I cried and. . . . I learned. I learned that joy was to be found in Jesus. I had heard about him, well, more than heard actually, I grew up learning about him. Day-in and Day-out; literally, (during daily bible studies held with my family w/ the exception of Sundays); but I didn’t know that joy was to be found there; and truthfully, I didn’t expect to ever have a need for joy. Life was supposed to just fall into place and everything that I wanted would just somehow “happen.” Now, in my defense, this was not a very unreasonable request as so many things for me had just “fallen into place” – my career, my current living space, my salary, my friends – on all these 4 things, (as a friend of mine says) I was “gucci!” (i.e. good, lol). So why, you ask, would I let the absence of ONE thing (i.e. a relationship) steal my joy? Maybe because out of all my desires, it was the one thing that I thought that I’d cherish the most, and so, I, ashamedly admit that I didn’t think that I could happy without it. But as was mentioned before, I learned. I learned that I could be happy without that – without anything that I thought I just had to have for that matter. I could be happy no matter what. I learned that by living in my imagination (aka “the future”) I was lionizing the end result and missing out on all the joy that could be had in the moments in between. I found that I no longer had to wait for an event which had made me anxious, insecure and clinging during the process (as happiness could be snatched from me at a moment’s notice if the prize wasn’t claimed), but now my happiness was no longer in jeopardy. Now it could be (and was!) immediate through faith, through the words of God and the love expressed therein. Jesus loved me for who I was right here and right now. Now I’m okay with my path. Now it doesn’t have to go a certain way, according to a particular plan or happen at a certain time for me to find unending bliss; because now I am confident that he which has begun a good work in me shall perform it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). Peace floods my soul upon hearing and understanding his words as I consider them and trust God at his promise and what he has said. I don’t have to hold on to make sure that he’s going to perform it. I don’t have to keep watch. I just have to trust and he’ll keep me happy while doing so! I have now learned to enjoy the journey and my life no matter where I am in this passage and let God mind all the details and do what I know to do, which right now for me, is to write. :-) It is now HIS words that soothe and comfort my soul instead of the croons of, JOE, Chris Brown and Trey Songz, to name a few, (although I most definitely still listen to them from time to time!J). Somehow my tests and trials have made me stronger and not bitter. And now I find joy in each day and no longer wait for the day. I’ve decided to let him do this and I know I’ll be happier with HIS results and timing other than my own, so I’ve taken my hands (and my thoughts) off of it. The thought that he which has begun a good work in me shall perform it until the day of Jesus Christ gives me peace. Easier said than done? The fact of it is that Jesus said he came that we might have life and have it more abundantly and typically we experience life externally through our senses and what we experience influences our internal barometer and can either give us joy or make us unhappy – but God has given us a way to be happy and keep that internal barometer consistent regardless of what information feeds our senses and that is through our belief in his words that he is able to do exactly what he said. It’s reminding ourselves DAILY of his words that give us this peace. He commands us to not forget his precepts because he knows the joy that external situations or things provide is only temporary. And so it was good that my desire was yet withheld that I might learn this outside of a marriage and not within it as what I greatly desired could not provide the happiness that I was looking for. No person, place or thing will ever be able to provide me what I have found in God. I was forced to look elsewhere. And that’s what can make a relationship with God so frustrating in the beginning is that we want what we want to satisfy our desires (our flesh) and we CAN have the desires of our heart but in order for this desire to be PERFECTLY fulfilled (…let patience have her perfect work…James 1:4) we yet have to trust him do it on his time table – but isn’t that right? He was here first right? It’s his way – not ours? And so here is the thing – at a time when I seems as though I could be depressed because everything is not “set” or “right” in my life and my heart still yearns for more - I can honestly say that I am truly content and genuinely happy and I am so glad that I’ve learned to be. Peace that passes all understanding? I got it. But I must say that I’m compelled to admit that I don’t know if I’m used to it. It still yet amazes me how can I be so happy – and for no “apparent” reason at all! The incredulity of it all crossed my mind yet again the other day but this time a voice within was quick to respond. It spoke up and softly reminded me “But, isn’t that what you asked for?” A smile crept to my lips as the memory came back of a prayer I had whispered not that long ago and awestruck I whispered to myself, “That IS what I said!” And now I can enjoy this day for what it holds and not look only to the future as the receptacle of my happiness as my prayer has undoubtedly and 100% been answered.
10 Comments
Carmen Harris
6/15/2016 06:45:14 am
OMG I'm so glad I subscribed so I can get my alerts. Another masterpiece and right on time for me. I'm at work trying to read a little and work and I had to just keep reading until the end. I thank you for the lessons you provide in All of your posts.
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Christina
6/16/2016 04:50:57 pm
Thank you so much Carmen for your kind words! Glad that you love it!
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Nicole Hart
6/16/2016 06:54:24 am
💜
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CHRISTINA HARDY
6/16/2016 08:57:39 am
Thanks Nikki! :-)
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Carolyn
6/16/2016 08:43:05 am
You are beautiful inside and out.
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6/16/2016 08:56:58 am
Thank you Carolyn!!! Your comment means so much! :-) Thanks for reading!
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Roni
6/16/2016 04:29:28 pm
Chris --- how profound! I'm in utter awe at this blog statement. I know you and I know where you're coming from. Hold on soldier! Keep on fighting!
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Christina
6/16/2016 05:19:38 pm
Thank Roni!! Thanks for your encouragement!!
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Lorraine Hardy
6/17/2016 06:15:23 pm
Wow !!! what a wonderful testimony of God's saving grace. This blog was absolutely wonderful. This blog has made me happy too!! LOL! girrrrrrrrlllllll Why have you been sitting on your gift!!!!...thanks for sharing, HAPPY GIRL!!!! Love mom
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