6/23/2016 0 Comments A Safe PlaceI have a gift; but it’s a shy talent. It only seems to work best if nobody’s looking. Do you have a gift like that? The thing that you excel at when the seats are empty and backs are turned? In obscurity it seems is the only place that I can be myself but this in and of itself is a conundrum because I can’t stay in hiding all the time. But then again . . . maybe. . . I can. Is it possible to have the best of both worlds? I discovered it that it just might be possible exactly three weeks ago on a Sunday. Sunday, May 22nd, 2016 to be exact. It wasn’t unusual for me to be trembling. Hands, body and even eyebrows (LOL. No lie!) were trembling. But, this was no surprise - it happens all the time when I was about to sing; I was used to it. Trembling. Shaking. A quivering that would start in my hands and reverberate throughout my body until my entire being was unsettled and I could no longer perform effectively. My voice would quiver as I tried to reach notes that I knew I could and my hand would set the microphone to rocking as I tried to speak affluently, smoothly and confidently because now all eyes were on me. This wasn’t rehearsal; there I would always do fine. Calm and still I would sing, dancing around melodies as though I was the only person in the world. But despite the fact that I was used to this physical response, I hated more the question that it posed: would this be the time that it would embarrass me? Would I freeze? Would my voice constrict? But this thing – this cold, ugly feeling – this FEAR, stops me; ties my hands and my voice and other capabilities. In this it would arrest me. It makes me shake with unleashed potential; cry with embarrassment, because I knew, no, I KNOW who I am. I KNOW that I am better than this. Yet this fear would discourage me from putting my gift on display because of what would happen when I did and holds me back because I cared what others would think. It never made sense to me – the fear, that is – because the question of my talent was never the issue. I know I can sing. THEY know I can sing. I had in fact requested to sing this very solo years ago (as I had practiced it in my home for years), but this year, it was requested that I sing it and sing it on center stage (the song would be placed right before the sermon when most likely, the church would be at its most occupied.) I knew what I could do in private. I knew how well I could move, what I would say, what heights my voice could climb to when nobody was looking. However, everyone would be looking; and what I wanted was the freedom to sing, to speak, to write, without the fight that I would have to go through to obtain it. I wanted the confidence to be myself. I wanted the freedom to soar on the wings of my voice. I want to be who I am ALL THE TIME without the insecurity that seemed to come with it in a public setting. I want them to know how good I am or maybe I should say WHO I am and how good I can be at being myself (when I let myself be). I am tired of living in hiding. I want everyone to know what HE has put in inside of me. I want them to see, not to my glory, but to HIS but I can’t do it unless he enables me. Unless he takes the fear away and on Sunday, May 22nd, he did just that. I had prayed about this before; prayed that this time I would not encounter the fear of performing in front of others. Praying that its ominous foreboding wouldn’t meet me with the come of the morning of my solo; and with a busy morning, one was inclined to think that my prayer had been answered with daybreak. I didn't realize at the time that I was not able to notice any nervousness because I was running around here and there; but upon taking my seat in the choir stand that morning, there was no question to its presence as all the familiar feelings barraged me once more when suddenly a scripture came to mind. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7) As I sat there I began to think about what that scripture was actually saying. My thoughts that morning before I sang were something of the following: “If God hasn’t given me the spirit of fear then the fear that I am experiencing right now isn’t from God, because God and fear can’t abide in the same place b/c the bible says that perfect love casteth out fear. (I John 4:18) So, if fear is present (and there was no doubt that it is) then I need more God right now because with him is power, with him is love and with him is a sound (a whole, healthy, stable and resolute) mind. These are the things (power, love, and a sound mind) that God HAS given me and all I need to do is access these gifts from the word by confessing it, because the bible says that “…with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Romans 10:10) and “…The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth and in thy heart: …” (Romans 10:8)” So, that’s exactly what I did, I ran these words of confidence over again and again in my thoughts and when I could, whispered them softly to myself as I sat in the choir stand that morning, and as I did so, tension left my chest, my fingers and face calmed and my entire body chemistry began to change. Power, God’s power, was deposited into me one confession at a time and increasingly it graduated into my entire being and esteem, assurance and inner support replaced weakness, insecurity and a lack of confidence as the words took hold of me, mind, body and soul. All of a sudden, it was quiet. I was up. I rose, came down the stairs and introduced my sister who was our Women’s Day Speaker on that Sunday; proceeded back up the stairs to the choir stand to take on my solo. I sang “Safe in his Arms” by Milton Brunson and sang about the joy and the safety of being in the presence of God. But before I did, I read to the audience the scripture that: The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10) And it was from the name of the Lord that I sang that morning; the place where I discovered that I can be and am at peace; at rest; but to fear man (their responses, their looks, their judgment) brings uncertainty, bring anxiousness, bring (as the bible puts it) entrapment. However, on Sunday, May 22nd, I ran to this safe place through the word of God – a place where I did not have to fear man, a place where I knew that I was loved and a place where both I and my gift were protected. A place where I could take refuge under the shadow of the Almighty and be myself without consequence, without retribution, without the care of others perceptions, but be who God made me to be because where else could I go to BE other than where I am right here and right now? I wanted the liberty to stretch my wings and experience comfort and assurance of being all that God had placed inside of me right then where it was required of me. THAT was safety; and God has given me a safe place of invisibility in him made accessible through confession of his word. So on that Sunday, May 22nd, I opened the door to my safe room with the key of God’s word. You see, I’d always said that if I had a super power it would be to be invisible, but alas, it’s already taken. It’s GOD’s super power (among so many others). HE’s the one that’s invisible. HE’s the one that can work through us without being seen; BUT he’s given us access to HIS power through his word because if it’s to HIS glory; for how would he ever get it if we were not seen? How could people wonder with what authority we do these things if they never saw us do it? As I stood there in front of our church and the lyrics of the song flowed from me, I noticed immediately the difference. There was no shaking as had been before. As everyone looked at me; I looked to God so that I would not be seen but HIS grace upon me. There was no fear now and it all was a result of me taking a statement from God’s word; accepting it as truth and applying it to my situation. A song from a safe place, a sure foundation, of one who had given me this gift and in singing to him, he has now freed me to minister to others through the means of being myself. Happy Living! Chris P.S. If you want to check out the solo - click on the link below! Enjoy!
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